Raise your hand if one of your favourite feelings is making someone else happy? Seeing a smile on their face and knowing that you're the reason the corners of their mouth are lifting upwards. Whether it be a family member, friend or a stranger in the street, it definitely makes me feel warm inside knowing that I've made someone's day just that bit better. But often we can get carried away with making other people smile and making other people happy that we end up not being happy ourselves. We get so caught up in putting other people first that we forget to take care of number one. In the past I have been guilty of trying to please other people despite not being 100% happy myself and it's definitely gotten me into some tricky situations.
For me, part of the reason I get into these situations is that I don't want to be branded as selfish. When I was younger I was referred to as selfish from a number of people. It didn't matter whether they were saying it as a joke or if they came out with it in the heat of the moment during an argument, it still hurt. As I got older I developed this fear of being thought of as a selfish bitch and this lead to me bottling up my emotions and going out of my way to make sure the people around me were happy.
In a way my personality contradicts itself. On one hand if I don't want to do something then I won't do it, but in certain situations and with certain people I have been guilty of forcing myself to do something that I really didn't want to do because I was worried that I would hurt them. What I failed to realise, and sometimes still do, is that it's okay to put yourself first and think about what YOU want even if it isn't what someone else wants. If the person you fear of upsetting or disappointing really cares about you then they will understand and respect the fact that you don't want to go somewhere or do something and will appreciate that you told them. They're not going to suddenly turn against you or laugh at you and if they do then you need to take a step back and think about whether or not you want someone like that in your life.
It's okay to say no to things and it's okay to take a step back and look after yourself. Self-care is important. It is difficult to let other people love and accept you if you don't love and accept yourself. At the end of the day, you're pretty much stuck with yourself for your whole life so treat yourself like you would your best friend.
So next time you find yourself saying 'yes' to something that you don't feel 100% comfortable about, think again and have the courage to say 'no.' Not only can it prevent you from getting into tricky situations but it may also help you realise who the people that really matter in your life are and who the ones that aren't.
Until next time,
